The Goddamn! Awards

I would call them the Graveys - but that would be fucking stupid, not to mention hacky as all hell. If I had to give them a name, I guess I'd call them the "Goddamn!" awards - in recognition of the first thing I said when listening to the songs, artists and albums in question.

The Grammys, an annual celebration of how much money record labels have made, are generally a travesty. Sure they get it right every once in a while, but for every time they give the White Stripes best alternative album of the year, they pass over Smells Like Teen Spirit for best song.

To hell with 'em.

So here are MY awards...

Song of the Year:
Icky Thump - The White Stripes

I know, I know - I'm a huge White Stripes fan, and I'm a little biased. Well this is my blog, so fuck off. The fact remains that this was an amazing song - trademark Jack White face-melting guitar and just a hell of a hook. It had crossover appeal too. Don't get me wrong, I actually think commercial success is a sign that a song sucks, but the fact that a song this good but this weird became a huge hit says something for how good it is.

Album of the Year:
Icky Thump - The White Stripes

It's not my favorite Stripes album, and I don't think you can even call it their best. However, the simple fact remains that this album is fucking amazing - making it their sixth unbelievable record in a row. These guys have come closer to batting .1000 with albums than any band in history.

Best New Artist:
The Noisettes

I'd actually put their album (What's The Time Mr. Wolf?) as a strong contender for "Album of the Year" if it wasn't for the presence of a tiny, tiny bit of filler on the album. I don't know what you even call their style of music - it's got elements of soul, punk, R&B... All very unique, and very, very cool.

Worst Sellout:
Paul McCartney

I don't know if you can really call it "selling out" and I'll be real honest - criticizing a former Beatle makes me feel like I've just jerked off in church, but Sir Paul released a little album called Memory Almost Full this year, and...yech. I guess I'm not comfortable calling it selling out, because he sure as fuck doesn't need the money. He really must have felt this shit was good - but how could he? How could the guy who wrote Helter Skelter thing a piece of pap like Dance Tonight was anything but godawful? Plus, the Starbucks release... Ok, I guess I'm fine with calling it a sellout after all.

Best Sellout:
Rilo Kiley

This might seem like a weird category, but it's one that I feel is important. We all have those albums that we love that we know aren't just an artists lesser work, but are works of true money-grubbing, sell-outery. Metallica's Black Album for instance - great fucking record, awful fucking Metallica record!

Rilo Kiley is one of the cutest bands out there, and I mean that in a good way. They have an adorable, indie-pop sound that has brought some great albums. Their latest album, Under the Blacklight, is also a really good album, it's just not a Rilo Kiley album. Hell, Breakin' Up is a great song, but it's a dance song - I'm sure there are remixes playing clubs as I type this.

Still, it's such a strong album that I can't really fault them. That, and I still have hopes of someday banging Jenny Lewis so, you know, I'm not going to burn that bridge.